Do Opposites Attract?

You know what they always say, opposites attract! In theory it sounds great...peanut butter to jelly, yin to yang, beer to football, sweet to salty.  We are drawn to opposites because they are foreign subjects that demand exploration.  In the case of peanut butter and jelly this concept of opposites competes as one of the greatest discoveries of human history.  When it comes to people being opposites, things become less magically perfect (unlike a chocolate covered pretzel). There comes a division between good and bad, right and wrong.  The comparisons sound more like good roommate to bad roommate, gym goer to TV watcher, Lance Armstrong to moral human being, etc.  Unlike inanimate objects, human beings are defined by character and personality as definitive points of existence.  This is why I have absolutely never understood what people are thinking when they claim that opposites attract.  While I see some logic in the idea of balancing out the aspects you lack in a relationship, the thought of dating your total opposite sounds like a recipe for countless dates with gritted teeth as your partner takes you to the annual monster truck show when you had dreams of strolling around the art museum on Saturday.  So instead of convincing yourself that you, the introverted book reader, would enjoy a long term relationship with the guy who socializes through doing keg stands and arm wrestling, consider a new take on the idea of dating your opposite. I am a huge advocate of compatibility.  There needs to be a healthy mixture of similarities and differences.  You can understand that sometimes emotional meltdowns are a healthy form of expression, and that folding laundry may not be everyone's favorite activity.

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Consider what it would be like to date yourself....(I know it's horrifying to imagine)

Now consider what it would be like for someone who is your total opposite to date yourself...

Letting my perfect opposite jump into that ring of fire would be down right morally wrong.

This person would literally evaporate into thin air the second you tried to explain your passion towards collecting pictures of dressed up cats.  A total opposite is in no way prepared emotionally or mentally to handle all that you may bring to the table.  It is not always in a bad way, but one that would hinder your ability to truly connect with each other. 

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Instead of imagining two magnets coming together think about it like a puzzle piece.  Not fitting together at the exact same points but somehow forming one complete shape.  This is why finding someone who you want to spend extensive periods of time with can seem as impossible as growing gills.  It takes effort on your part, you need to be willing to experience new things both in people and circumstances.  There is no formulaic code that explains the exact level of sensitivity your partner will have, or how exactly they will handle stressful situations.  Dating (although painful at times) is the best way to begin conquering this search.  Once you have an established understanding of yourself you are able to use dating as an evaluation method to observe similarities and differences between you and the other person.

You will recognize more similarities in the person you are dating, it becomes easier to see how those similarities translate into meaningful qualities that you would value in someone.  It may sound a little too intense for a first date to try and decipher shared qualities, when you are simply trying not to talk about that one time when you got sent to the hospital for walking into a glass door.  Even the smallest similarities can translate into major compatibility factors.  You both like to hit the gym? Maybe you both are dedicated and driven individuals in all aspects of life.  You and your date enjoy catching up on the news? You both seem to value a well rounded perspective and might benefit each other by sharing those thoughts.  Allowing yourself to see the bigger picture of how your qualities would fit together allows your mind slip into the idea of establishing an actual relationship. Compatibility often gets looked over when what you are looking for might be right in front of you.  Based off of failed relationships, bad dates, and horrible breakups it is no wonder that we feel like we have to dig to the center of the earth in order to find a decent boyfriend/girlfriend

As you head out for your next date, instead of worrying about how much you don't have in common consider what it is that you share, and how your opposites may integrate together. Below are a few examples of when your opposite might be too opposite to recover from.  While these are not factually understood, the general concept can serve as a major tell of whether you will be able to adjust your life with this new person.

Opposites probably won't attract when... 

You like to go for an early run and he is still out from the night before.
Contented vs. Discontented
You value routine and he thrives on spontaneity.  It is universally understood that the ability to change it up builds the foundation for a connected relationship.  But as time goes on you both may find  that your idea of the day to day may not embrace the other for all that they offer. 

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Your idea of traveling includes trekking uncharted terrain and hers is checking out the new shopping center up the street. 
Broad minded vs. Narrow minded
In a relationship the idea of adventure is exciting.  This characteristic can quickly become overwhelming when one member's idea of a good time is drastically different.  You will feel like you have to keep up constantly.  When dating someone who shares you desire for new experiences, you won't feel pressure to take on more than you are able to handle, or feel like you are being held back.

You wash the berries and he eats them as you are walking through the store.
Careful vs. Careless
Too much of either of these extremes makes for a turbulent combination of chaos and silence.  Like avoiding cracks on the sidewalk and jumping into the puddles.  These are two qualities that will create a substantial divide in how close you are able to feel with someone. Security is major when considering a relationship.  You will feel insecure if you are the uptight wet blanket all the time.

Your last meaningful relationship shaped you into the wonderful person you are today and she can't remember the last time she had one of those. 
Perceptive vs. Imperceptive
I think the ability for self reflection says a lot about a person.  If you are unable to analyze how you impacted a situation, or your role in how a relationship went wrong, you are going to have a hard time succeeding in the future.  Besides that fact that you are comfortable living in a dream world, you may be unwilling to incorporate another person's differences into your life.  It will be more difficult to understand where your partner is coming from if you have trouble contemplating the underlying meaning or how you might be the cause of the problem. 

Your idea of problem solving is to throw it away and his is to fix it.
Patient vs. Impatient
When you consider going into a new relationship patience is key.  Both individuals need to be equally dedicated towards growing together.  Give one another time to adjust to this new situation.  You have never dated someone like this before and chances are he/she hasn't either.  Have the patience to allow the relationship to grow, and even more so...have the patience to keep looking for someone to have a relationship with!

You like dogs and she likes cats. 
...
This is one many people will disagree with, but I see huge differences in whether a person likes dogs or cats. The best resolution for this difference seems to be not having either one in your life, which is basically a horrible form self-deprivation (similar to giving up desert).  If either of you have extreme differences in opinions on things from cats and dogs to where you plan to live in the next 5 years, you may find that your differences begin to weight heavier than the similarities.  Also you may ultimately begin to resent your partner for denying you the chance of experiencing pet ownership :-]


As you try dating new people search for balance in your partner, not the opposite!

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-RV