Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Liking it One too Many Times Dating in the Digital Age

We have had a lot of attendees at our Gottcha Covered sessions lately which is awesome on so many levels because it means students are being more proactive about their sexual health, and that students are also doing a lot of interacting with their peers and dating. If you don't know what Gottcha Covered is all about stop by and talk to us about it. You can never have too much information when it concerns your relationship and sexual health. This means that advice on relationships in these digital times and this environment has never been more appropriate.
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We live in a time when your interest in someone can be dulled down to one single word a "like." Whether you think they have a photogenic breakfast, or some awesome overly edited vacation pictures, all you have to do is hit it. Hitting that one button suggests possible friendly acquaintance status.  The thing is you can hit it as much as you want. Morning, noon, and night from multiple sources especially if you are working with what I like to call the double tri-fecta (laptop, tablet, and smart phone with unlimited wi-fi on top of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram). When working with the double trifecta you have the power to simultaneously like, #hashtag, and filter your life away. For the majority of us it is an inclination that is as natural as breathing. The modern day single 20 something is guilty of hitting it one too many times. 

Even in the past four years dating has evolved. We have online identities and social media obsessions that make it possible to not even be recognized in public due to misleading pictures and status updates. How on earth are you supposed to meet someone in person when you have spent your nights expressing yourself in 140 characters or less? There are new rules...if they don't have a profile picture that identifies who they are, they are clearly a criminal. If they are a serial politics perpetrator aka projecting their opinion of legislative leaders onto all of their friends, keep scrolling down. Because who doesn't want to spend their browse time enriching their intelligence with your boisterous and most likely  misinformed political opinions? And let's not forget the silent judgement that is passed on seflies captioned "no filter." Many times, all of these aspects are taken into account before even deciding to hit the like button, and you haven't even come close to meeting he or she in person yet! With this added dimension of human interaction here are a few tips for being a successful digital dater.

Are you a Facebook friend or a Twitter follower: I am convinced that Twitter gives people the false impression that because you accumulate x number of followers you are the equivalent of Justin Timberlake or something. Never before has it been possible to meet a potential significant other who was once a "follower" of yours.  If you are pursuing getting to know a person online forget the vanity of how they caught your eye, or how many likes they spared, and learn more to see if you are truly interested.

Leave a little out of the info box: It says here that you eat a peanut butter sandwich every day at 12pm, you have been riding horses since you were 5, and you have switched jobs 5 times in the past year. There is a reason why you can meet someone and feel such a strong desire to spend more time with them, because you don't know anything about them. Overly revealing social media sites make that awesome mysterious quality about meeting someone new a non factor and probably one of those people you un-friend on their birthday.

Use those profiles for good: This should be more obvious but clearly our age media users struggle with the concept of 'you are what you post.' There are hilarious pictures from that one weekend when...but if those are all that show up on your profile you can't get defensive when people begin to form their opinions.  Keep your profiles clean and the best representation of you.

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Like what you actually like: Yesterday I saw all of these people's profiles scrolling through the news feed, and it kept saying that everyone is suddenly liking Usher. Yes 2004 was one of the best years of your pre-teen life with the release of Confessions, but I highly doubt that everyone is genuinely interested in Usher as a tangible point of conversation. When was the last time you sat with your friends and talked about your common Usher interest? There are a ton of awesome things to actually like through social media sites, be selective and real about hittin' it.

Be social:  It is called social networking for a reason. If your sites are empty because you only created a page to stalk your fellow peers down to their hourly location, the social side of the networking may be losing it's value. All of these sites give us a way to connect and learn that can be extremely informative. Create a page that reflects who you are, things you want to do, achievements that have been made, and you can be sure your social media experience will be worth the hours of procrastination you use it for already.

Happy networking! If you are interested in becoming a Gottcha Covered Volunteer stop by 675 Steger to learn more.

-RV

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

The Rules of Application-ship

Like many college seniors, I have spent much of my time recently exploring the world of the job application process. Once that year you never thought would arrive decides to show up, your time goes from being a member of clubs and socializing to drafting the perfect resume, saving  100 different versions of cover letters for future use, and browsing LinkedIn for days on end. Unless you are one of those lucky people who somehow already found post college employment that doesn't include your manning a drive through window, the job process is a very real obligation.  I have been trying to write a blog for a while now, but for some reason after applying for jobs all evening all you can think to write ends up sounding like a letter of interest.

What I have learned so far about the process is that you must try to remain as uniquely you as you possibly can.  After filling out more applications than you probably want to admit it can be easy to forget what you really bring to the table, instead you have resorted to what I like to call 'employ me auto pilot' We all want to be proficient in computer coding and fluent in 5 languages, but on paper you will look like the millions of other applicants checking 'yes I'm awesome' in every starred mandatory must complete application box. 

I decided to think of how to connect this process to something we actually recognize after three years of not looking at these applications. The job hunting process can be emotionally draining.You so desperately want a call back, you want them to like you, you want to like them, you want to feel valued and full filled. Hmm... like dating?! That is a language most college students can understand. Even if you haven't jumped into that pool of socialization yet, you have watched your friends deal with it. Like all things, especially dating, they take time. Here are a few ways you can combine your dating strategies with your job seeking strategies which can basically make you the ultimate dateable-hireable-post-grad ever...or maybe just make you a little more confident in your search whether it is for love or employment.
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1. Be available but not too available: If you confirm yes you'll be there in 5 minutes to both a call back from a potential employer or your date who was actually trying to ask you out next week, you appear what many daters would describe as desperate. You may also struggled with the concept of a personal life and maintaining dignity. This one may be a bit of a reach, but the idea is to diplomatically schedule yourself out to future opportunities.

2. Can you casually date? This one may be a little more applicable to jobs than real life dating. In real life this generally leads to unintended drama and feelings being hurt from one of the involved parties.  Unlike dating, your job hunt will be enhanced by this networking experience.  Forbes recently posted that 90% of people find jobs through connections they already have.  Would you date a complete stranger? Let’s hope not. You also wouldn’t go to the same bar everything night hoping to scope out a new love interest (at least I hope not for your sake. No one needs to be recognized on a first name basis at the karaoke lounge). Network yourself in the best way. Keep in mind that concept of maintaining dignity as you reach out to other professionals for guidance and advice.   

 3. Be in a relationship with yourself first: Every newly single person has been reminded of this lesson and may have even vowed to an overly specific time frame of this.   I find that you are always left thinking “if I wanted to date myself then I wouldn’t have just spent three years of my life not dating myself.” There is nothing worse than feeling inadequate after a breakup, the same thing goes for an interview. If they ask you what your biggest accomplishment is be ready to elaborate on it.  If you can’t think of a response as to why you deserve whichever job, it is time to take a step back and understand what you really want.
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4.Build the perfect resume: As you embark on job searches it is an inarguable necessity to have the most amazing resume you can possibly compile.  You want to be colorful, innovative, and credible. No one wants to date the scrapbooker, and by scrapbooker I mean literally all you do is glue pictures to paper, eat and sleep. Yes it is a highly creative hobby, but if all you can talk about beyond work is the latest deal on stickers at Michael’s you may want to consider expanding your horizons. This will only make you more enticing to both potential employers and your potential craft lovin’ new friend. 

5. Persistence is key: With most things in life if you aren’t actively seeking it, you probably won’t get it.  If only everything could fall into your lap like the pre-recorded list on your DVR. You leave all day, come home, and BAM 5 hours of laying around can commence. 

6. Learn from your past: You probably don't want to get back with the girlfriend who planned your wedding on the first date, or the guy who chose to go dutch on every date. The same thing goes for your resume and future job search. You applied for 30 jobs with the same resume and didn't hear back from a single one? Change things up, jobs are looking for new material from you as person, it is your responsibility to give them that newness through your applications. It takes commitment to stand out on the job search, and to dodge the Ex's persistent phone calls.

7. Try new things: Whether it is joining the yoga class to land a date with that girl who goes every Tuesday, or you exchange numbers with the owner of so and so corp, you can use your interests to connect with potential employers. Both your extracurricular activities and your part time job are amazing outlets for networking. This is one of the few rewarding aspects of working a retail job, you are servicing the people you could be working for someday. So even if the customer thinks you are the one who strategically told the store not to carry mediums in that top, provide the best experience you possibly can, you never know who you are talking to.

Staying focused on your goals for whatever you wish in the future is the best way to pursue a job. With that in mind, the rest of the technical formalities will fall into place. You will figure out a way to make it work, and what you seek from employment will begin to make sense.
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-RV