Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Be a Better Partner



campus.com
College relationships are an entirely different breed of interactions.  You want to have a meaningful connection, but live with people who are doing what they feel rather than what they think.  People developmentally are at different stages of maturity, immaturity, and intellectual capabilities. Now these relationships occur during a time when the only way to truly validate your status is to make it Facebook official.  And a time when you text the person for dinner plans rather than discussing them face to face. When you decide to commit to someone there are various socially defined labels that follow-  "the sorta kinda together couple" or "the married couple" etc.  The relationship becomes bigger than just the two people involved and being a good partner can seem impossible when all of these external factors are playing a role.  There will always be the friend who judges your relationship, or the classic disapproving parent.  During this time in life you have to balance school, work, friends, and hopefully a meaningful relationship with someone special. Balancing all of these factors is not an easy task, and prioritizing means that someone has to take a back seat. A healthy relationship should not feel like it is dragging you down, or making things more difficult. On the other hand you have to make a conscious decision to be involved in your relationship, and hopefully develop on a deeper level.  Getting caught up in this busy time makes it hard to remember all of the different roles you have to play; one of which is being a good partner.  When you are in a healthy relationship you are able to develop your strengths and better understand what you are looking for in a long term commitment. These points of advice are meant to give some suggestions on how to make a college relationship work, and to avoid making those little mistakes that can put you in the dog house. 

Love is the answer-but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. -Woody Allen 

Don't look for flaws: When you meet someone new it all seems too good to be true, which is why many people (due to past failed relationships) refuse to believe that they may actually be with a good person.  You start trying to look for flaws or some way to second guess your feelings.  This tactic usually results from past mistakes and hurt. If you are with someone who makes you happy trust your feelings.  The best relationships are unforced and happen naturally. A good way to avoid flaw searching is to focus most on valuing the aspects in which you are similar with your partner. 

veemoze.com
Be honest about everything: This is a big one. Honesty is one of the most highly regarded characteristics in any relationship, so it is no wonder that it is important in a romantic relationship.  No matter what happens it is always the best idea to tell the truth.  If something happens that you are afraid to own up to like you don't like their new hair cut,  or something more serious like a bad night at your friends party, being honest is difficult. A big part of admitting the truth is being honest with both yourself and your partner.  Thinking about why you chose to do what you did, and understanding if it truly was a mistake or a decision that compensates some greater issue. 

Be open: Be open to everything when it comes to relationships.  You might not like watching Monday night football or going to yoga class, but allowing yourself to experience new things within the relationship will bring you both closer together.  As a couple you can explore new things and build your relationship about the experiences that may have challenged your comfort zone. Even the smallest experiences will show that you care and value this other person enough to do things together. 

Trust and mean it: So many couples claim that they trust each other, but trust isn't double checking their emails, or hacking into their Facebook. When you find someone you truly trust you won't feel obligated to do those things.  Both people will feel at ease and believe in the other person telling the truth.  Feeling like you can't trust the person is never a good situation.  An even worse feeling is being the one who isn't trusted.

Do what you say: This relates back to trust. Making empty promises will cause the other person to lose faith in not only you as a person but in the relationship as a whole.  Bailing on date plans, not calling when you said you would, going out with your friends instead all fall under the category of red flags and usually mean that the relationship is becoming less of a priority over time.  

It's not always his/her fault: Once you are in a relationship it becomes easy to blame the other person for your problems.  Trying to place the blame on everyone but yourself creates feelings of resentment and hostility.  Whether it is your partner's fault or not, openly discussing the problem and understanding both of your roles in the issue is going to result in a much better understanding and will reveal more about what makes things work.

Be present: The phrases "I don't care and doesn't matter to me" never end well.  Being opinionated in a relationship shows that you are involved. Responding "I don't care" when asked where you would like to go to dinner every time you are asked to dinner will result in you no longer getting asked to dinner. When you start to lose the desire of opinion the relationship begins to feel like a one way street, and one person begins to feel like they are doing all of the work.  Relationship benefits should be on an equal level in order to be totally functional.  This does not mean that each person has to benefit in the same way. 

Build each other up: I think this one is often overlooked when it comes to young relationships.  We spend so much time trying to impress the other person and to come off a certain way that you don't even bother to appreciate how great your partner is.  There is nothing wrong with giving a compliment and recognizing both of your strengths. You are able to express your true feelings towards your partner, and feel empowered by having him/her by your side. 

-RV

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Health's Biggest Buzz Kills

examiner.com
Confused about health? Health information is the most researched topic in the world and trying to keep up can make your head spin.  There are many reasons for this bombardment of information when it comes to how you should live your life, but the simple fact is that the human body is one of the most complex organisms on this planet and is constantly going through changes. Hearing things like your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades, and cheese makes your butt bigger, can leave you feeling like you don't know the difference between cookies and celery. The doctor tells you to drink more water, but the news says that you will drown yourself if you drink too much.  These extreme contradictions are extremely common in the world of health communication and can make understanding personal health more complicated than calorie counting. Luckily science has made some degree of concrete discoveries, and laid out the facts about improving your personal health.  While these facts may not reinforce the article you read about how ice cream can cure the common cold they are interesting guidelines to keep in mind. Listed below are a few of the biggest buzz kills in the world of health facts...


dogdays.com
1. Sharing a bed and/or making out with your pet is entirely unsanitary. 
 The plague, MRSA, meningitis, bacterial infections...by having an up close and personal relationship with your pet you are putting yourself at risk for these ailments.  Many doctors report the transfer of disease through open mouth or wound when licked by their pet. The most common mouth transfer was meningitis.  Also sleeping with your flea infested canine is one of the easiest ways to contract the biblical form of the plague.  Keeping your animal up to date of veterinary obligations can help reduce your risk.

2. You may have an iron stomach but snacking on cookie dough is a bad idea.
How many times have you bought the break n' bake dough with no intention of actually baking it? People hear that the eggs are pasteurized which is what kills salmonella and think they are in the clear. Researchers are finding that the hidden threat is actually the flour in these products.  It is the only raw ingredient in the dough and can transmit bacteria which ultimately weakens the immune system if consumed raw.  

3. No working off those unhealthy meals at the gym
realsimple.com
Usually you can rationalize that burger and fries by telling yourself you'll do an extra 20 minutes on the treadmill later.  We have all believed that hitting the gym is how you lose weight. Unfortunately weight loss comes down to eating less (American Medical Association).  Your basal metabolic rate determines how many calories are burned daily and will drop as you lose weight, regardless of physical exercise.  Eating less leads to greater weight loss results.  Many researchers support that your overall physical appearance is 20% gym time and 80% diet. 

4. iWhatevers serve no beneficial purpose to your overall health.
Whether you have the latest app that is supposed to send you into a deep sleep or counts your calories electronics only hinder your overall health. Excessive exposure to light during the night has been linked to numerous adverse side effects such as breast cancer, obesity, and depression.  This means your body would appreciate you turning these things off every once in a while which is easier said than done for the 95% of Americans who use some sort of technology at night. The harsh light can inhibit your body's natural rhythms and aids in the depletion of melatonin a crucial sleep chemical (American Medical Association 2011). 

5. The double dipper is why you caught a cold watching the game last weekend.
Draining the skyline dip bowl with all sides of your chip is spreading germs.  One study at Clemson University found that the amount of bacteria transferred to salsa by a double dipped chip resulted in about 10,000 bacteria traveling from the eater's mouth to the dip.  The next dipper would in consequence consume around 50-100 bacteria from the original party fouler, making bathroom doors seem a lot less repulsive.
fitness.com

6. Your big gulp is the reason why your pants don't fit 
No matter what you hear, sugary drinks will make you gain weight.  This has been studied for decades but the latest finding is that if your biological genes make you more susceptible to obesity then you are also predisposed to gain more weight from sugary drinks. 


7. Vitamins do not make you invincible 
After a study of 200,000 people in California, there was no correlation that taking a daily vitamin prolonged your life.  Many medical specialists advise against the supplemental craze urging that it can create an imbalance and throw your natural production off track. 

8. There is such thing as too much coffee 
Research has gone back an forth about the advantages and disadvantages about coffee. Seven cups a day causes dramatic shifts in mood leading to experiences of anxiety, and irritability.  Ten or more cups daily is tempting heart failure.  The most crucial aspect of how your body handles coffee is dependent on how quickly you are able to metabolize the substance.  Some genes may hinder the breakdown of the caffeine in certain individuals.   

These are just a few of the facts when it comes to overall health.  The daily overflow of health information can't argue with these basics!

Read more from NBC.com about the information in this post!

-RV 

Friday, October 12, 2012

Drifting

itsabeautifullife.com
Everyone growing up as hopes and dreams. When you are 5 becoming President seems like a likely possibility.  As you grow older dreams become jumbled in the motions of life and those once ambitious ideals morph into a set of goals.  Instead of simply dreaming of success you have to formulate an action plan in hopes of attaining those dreams.  Once the reality sets in that your dreams may not magically come true, the idea of becoming President is downgraded to hope of graduating from law school or getting a degree in political science by the age of 21.  We may find ourselves living a life that is on the polar end of what we hoped it would be when we were 5.  At this point in life we have tried to establish identities on an individual level.  Through all of this pressure you may catch a breath and wonder "How did this happen?" It is not that you are dissatisfied with how your life is playing out, but maybe you only went to live in your city of residence because it was the only school that had your program.  Or you only started dating your partner because you happen to work at the same restaurant.  In essence life begins to feel like it is happening to you rather than being in charge.  Researchers refer to this nagging feeling as the drift.  Commonly experienced between the ages of 18-24 "a drift occurs when you allow circumstances or others to make decisions for you" says Meg Jay PhD professor of psychology at the University of Virginia.  It is a life decision that can lead to an unfulfilled lack of happiness.  The drift is realizing that living a "good enough" life may not be enough and more importantly makes you feel like you are living a life that isn't your own.

Are You Drifting?

The hardest part is understanding whether the life you are living is a result of the drift.  It is important to gain control while you are in the position to do so in order to avoid living a life that you hate.  General discontent leads to regret which can be the most unsettling feeling of all.  Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts explains that "when you've not tuned into yourself you miss the opportunities that will help build a rewarding life."  This whole concept boils down to having a degree of self awareness.  Personal awareness allows you to be an active player in your own life.  Consider the last big decisions you made.  Were you in control? Did you let someone else take the lead? Did you settle for the easiest option? If answers trend to positively answer question like this you are likely drifting.  Whitbourne says that phrases like "Why not? Might as well" and "Could be fun"  are all signs that you may be taking a back seat in life.

Be in Control of You

Gaining self awareness doesn't mean forcing that Hollywood-esque quarter life crisis on yourself and making a big move down the road to self discovery.  All overcoming the drift needs are small changes that can positively alter your perspective on every day situations.  These changes allow you to zone in on what you truly desire and how to attain what specifically is needed.  Get off the assembly line life and start living for yourself with the following 5 tricks.

1. Positive Phrasing: Cut out phrases like "I don't care" and "whatever you want to do" our of your vocabulary.  Whether it is Mom and Dad pressuring you about what plans you have for after college or trying to decide where to go to dinner with friends, use affirmative and decisive language to explain what you really want.

happynotes.net
2. Make Your Days More Productive: Adding a little more time to the workout or crossing off those pesky to do list items will allow you to start consciously making decisions that will positively reflect your attitude, and you will start doing things that you actually want to do.

3. Utilize Social Networking: Drifting can also happen as a result of not knowing what you want out of life.  Instead of mindlessly stalking people who you will never meet in person, use social networking sites like Pinterest and Facebook to explore your own personal interests.  These sites can serve as the foundation and allow for a range of creative expression.

4. Try Something New: Skydiving, kickboxing, hiking, run a marathon... (insert whichever activity you have always thought about doing)...and do it! Being decisive about new activities allows you to have future goals and will create positive feelings of achievement.

5. Embrace the People in Your Life: Whether you are drifting or not, forming strong bonds with people who love you will only create a stronger sense of self confidence knowing that these people believe in you. 

Read more about the sources of this article

Healthy Outlook=Healthy Life 

-RV




Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Perception of Self

This is an amazing message from an unlikely source.  A truly honest perspective on the topic of body image.  This woman provides a voice for many who struggle to find the strength to speak for themselves. With such a positive image about the idea of external health, she has created an environment that breaks down the barriers and addresses the reality of the situation. Her strength is inspiring, and her message heartwarming. 

10/2 Did You Know That: Avoiding the Awkward



Introducing the Rubber Solider in the Bedroom
           
condomunity.com
 For many, college is the first time students are living with, going out with, and sleeping with the opposite sex. We meet lucky prospects and in today’s hook up culture, there seems to be only one thing everyone is looking for; sex. For some, the only knowledge they have about safe sex, or sex at all, is what they were taught in high school. This maybe good or bad, but the only way of knowing if you have the most accurate information is to do your research. You may also find it to be beneficial to go to your campus’ sexual health programming. Here at UC, a great way to learn some safer sex skills is to attend one of the Student Wellness Center’s sexual health programs that are presented by your peers, the HealthyU Peer Educators. They have been where are you are and can easily relate to your worries, fears, and questions.
            So, after you learn information about the importance of using protection such as a condom, how do you introduce what can be an awkward little object under the sheets with a person you may barley know on a Saturday night? Well here are some ideas…
·         Buy ribbed, textured, his and her lubricated condoms to make it more fun. This is also a good way to convince the “it doesn’t feel as good with a condom” partner that condoms are not only necessary but can make sex better.
·         For oral sex, buy flavored condoms, or add flavored lubricant to the condom to encourage some kind of barrier method to be used.
hercampus.com
·         Female condoms can be worn up to 4 hours before the sexual act. If you know there will be time for dessert after dinner, you can be prepared and ready for action without any conversation of finding and putting a condom on before the act.
·         Let your partner know that by using the little rubber solider that night, there will be less worry the next morning.
Just by wearing that condom, you are significantly decreasing risk to your health and to your partner’s health. Remember if a condom or barrier method is used every time, it is still important to get tested for STI’s every three to six months.
Stop by the Student Wellness Center in 675 Steger Student Life Center for three free condoms a day. We now even have Fire and Ice Trojan condoms!

-JL

Monday, October 1, 2012

Work out the Kinks

Health.com
 There is nothing worse than waking up with that kink in your neck.  Usually trying to work it out feels even more painful than gritting your teeth and suffering through it.  While out of the ordinary sleeping positions can be the cause of these morning aches and pains, there is another reported medical reason that has been under the radar.  According to CNN Health, an estimated 8 out of 10 Americans will suffer from back pain at some point in their lives and half of those cases are due to sexual activity in the bedroom (National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases). Whether you are playing it safe or enduring a workout fit for an Olympic athlete in the bedroom, it is never too late to avoid these discomforting injuries.  Sex works many muscles that we do not use on a daily basis and can leave you feeling less than satisfied the morning after. 

Alieve.com
While the idea of a sex related injury may seem like a laughable problem, there are many instances where bedroom acrobatics can take a turn for the worse.  I was prompted to look further into this topic when a student at a sexual health program asked me what the point of lube was, and if it would help with pain during sex. The answer is yes, irritation or tearing from vigorous sex can be minimized by using a lubricant. This got me to thinking about the other discomforting results that sex can induce.

Giving new meaning to the term 'safe sex', these sexual hazards do not mean that protection has to take the form of a padded body suit. There are many physical activities that can enhance your sexual capabilities.  Yoga and Pilates were sited as the top two exercises that build stamina in the muscles that are challenged most during active sex.  These exercises primarily focus on the abdomen and torso which overall provide a stronger back and greater strength when tackling the most demanding sexual positions.

Chicagofit.com
Physicians agree that stretching is always a good idea especially if you experience pains from other daily activities.  A great starting goal to increase flexibility and positively enhance your bedroom performance would be to work on touching your toes.  Once the flexibility is attained the next safety measure is to clear the area of dangerous objects; since the majority of sex related injuries were sustained in non-conventional places such as the kitchen or on tables. One study in London found that the most common sex injury was a pulled muscle, with back injuries, carpet burns, and cricked necks pulling in close behind. Surprisingly the most dangerous spots for sex were also the most ordinary: the sofa, a chair, or the shower. 

Regardless of the form of sex ed that you have received, at some point you have heard of the horror stories that can come with intense sexual activity such as penile fractures or serious vaginal tears.  These are extreme cases that in most cases are very painful but not life threatening.  In order to help alleviate the gruesome picture that comes with the thought of a penile fracture know that these are not true fractures in the traditional sense; but tiny tears in the tissue of the penis.

As for women, many will not feel any pain until after sex which usually leads to discomfort and anxiety about the cause of the pain.  This delayed pain happens to both men and women because arousal raises pain tolerance due to the rush of blood and nerve stimulation below the belt.  Even the simplest muscle strains or tears are enough to leave you groaning in a less than enjoyable way.

Injuries related to sexual activity are hardly ever reported because of the stigma that comes with talking about sex. Many researchers compare some sex positions with the intensity of a full tennis or boxing match.  Woman's Day released some statistics that related sex to a physical workout for those who are calorie counting inclined.  After looking at the calorie burn this kind of workout can enforce, the concept of sexual injuries seem a lot more plausible.  Below I have created a table detailing the activity and average calories burned.

Activity                            Calories Burned 
Kissing                             68 cal per hour 
Undressing                       8+ cal per hour 
Massaging                        80+ cal
Having Sex                       144+ cal per half hour 
Giving Oral Sex               100 cal per half hour  
Using Your Hands            100 cal per hour 
Making Out                     238 cal per half hour                     

It is obvious that sex of any form involves a physical element as well as cognitive awareness.  We spend a lot of time being constantly reminded about practicing safe sex through condoms or abstinence.  I hope that this information has provided some guidance and promoted a different perspective on the idea of safe sex.  No one wants to nurse a pulled hamstring after a wild night under the sheets. Know your limits. If you are experiencing pain in a certain area work towards building strength and flexibility before pursuing further.  And please remember to always stretch before the big game!

Click below for more information on what you just read and appreciate the art of flexibility!
Sex can be a pain in the back!
Bedroom Blunders
Work it Out

-RV